So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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