Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
