i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
