Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
