dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
