life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
