I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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