it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
