instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
