R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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