I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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