i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
