i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
