Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just had sex on a roof
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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