Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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