This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
