the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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