So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Slut skills are useful in every country.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
