he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
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she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
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His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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