happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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