quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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