Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
