I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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