All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
