dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
