two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
