She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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