I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
