I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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