listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
