they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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