you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
