turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
