im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
