a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
His hands were made for my vagina.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
