hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
