She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
