I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize