Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
