i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How drunk are you?
Completed.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
