i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
