'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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