Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
