highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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