My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
