Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
