Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
