census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
