I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
