is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
