You smell like stripper and shame
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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