No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
