You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
being pregnant is like rehab
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
