I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
