Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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