Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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