so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
