last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
