i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
