We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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