i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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