"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
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A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
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He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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