I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize