please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
