How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
