i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
